AN ALL NEW EPISODE ( Well, sort of....)

I've been resting my muse and neurons lately, posting reruns, hoping some lightening strike of inspiration would nail me eventually and return me to blogging frenzy nirvana, but, sigh........instead I seem to be stuck in stasis; (a state of static balance or equilibrium : STAGNATION). There was a time when I simply couldn't accept such a condition, but these days it seems to be easy to just chill and accept, rather than get into some kind of tizzy over it. Six of one, half dozen of another......

I think perhaps the overwhelming weight of finances, ongoing problems, be they mechanical or medical, and the total darkness in my tunnel (there IS no light in this tunnel bearing down on me, period; that locomotive is just sitting on the tracks down there somewhere, mocking me) has somewhat numbed me, much like a torture victim simply zoning out having long past abandoned acknowledgment of his situation. This is not to suggest that I am not aware of how bad things have become, but I sense that the impact all of these things are having on my mental state has been re-routed to my angst-containment facility somewhere deep in my brain where they are being dealt with by some part of me that seems to be able to handle this shit subconsciously much better than I can consciously. This enables me to play the stalwart, calm, collected individual that my wife needs to support her as she deals with her own problems and chases after her own aspirations.

As sad as all this sounds, believe me, I like the me I've become a whole lot better than the me I used to be. Much younger me was a mental mess, and to think back on how I behaved in the face of adversity, especially in the areas of love, make me wince just thinking about it. Developing a sense of detachment, liaise-a-faire, whatever you wish to call it, seems to have been my saving grace, for I truly believe that the alternative would have broken me. I find much admiration in the demeanor of trees, rocks, and other long-suffering entities, considering the abuse that is heaped upon them by Man and their environment. If a tree had one coherent thought, or nugget of wisdom, it would probably be "And these things too shall pass". And thus that tree remains rooted and content in it's existence, till such time that the storm uproots it or the chain saw murders it, for that over which it has no control merits little concern in the grand scheme of things. Like that tree, any one occurrence has the potential to be catastrophic, yet I cannot grant these possibilities the same merit and hope to maintain my sanity. I like my sanity. I've lost track of it on occasion and in doing so proclaimed to the world who I was at my worst. I think I'll stick with what seems to work.

I do have a certain sick enjoyment in the possibility that my good friend the troll will find this post pushing more of his/her buttons, buttons he/she seriously need to get rid of. He/she is so certain, knowing me so well as they imagine, that I need a life, without having entertained the possibility that I DO have a life, thank you, even if said life does not fit within their definition. It is kinda sad to observe that one man observing himself in his journal can be taken as an attack on another's sensibilities, but alas, such has been revealed for all to marvel at. It's rather hilarious, actually, to see him/her performing the very thing he/she accuses me of, thinking some license he/she possesses gives his/her own vent more validity than my own musings.

Well, this is what happens when the need to get out a new episode slightly exceeds the material needed to actually do it. I did rather enjoy the responses to some of my old material that the readers might not have encountered before, so I will post a few more while I try to get my muse on and come up with some stuff truly worth the keystrokes. Until then, I just want my loyal "fans" to understand how much I appreciate their feedback and their own good works out here in the blogosphere. And Buffalo, be safe, my friend, I don't want to see Willow writing the last chapter of your upcoming masterpiece because some idiot in a big-rig didn't notice you and sweet thang as he ran over you both. That would NOT be a good thing. LIfe IS sweet, you big lug, us knowing that you are out there living that dream.