My take on "The List"

Seven things I want to do before I die:

Live,

Pain Free,

Still Horny,

With at least 37 cents in my pocket,

Having seen at least one more president like Bill Clinton,

having hurt as few people as humanly possible,

and not having totally wasted the air I breathed.


Seven things I can do:

Write (or something resembling it)

Rant (no doubt I can do that, just ask Buffalo)

Dance (No, wait, that was a younger Michael)

Sing (Not one tomato was thrown during any of my performances)

Perform potentially painfull procedures on patients with less pain (A little empathy can go a long way)

Enjoy living my beer budget existence with champaign tastes (so It took me longer to save up for this Imac, at least it's not a WinBlows PeeCee)


Seven things I can't do:

Suffer the opinions of fools.

Keep my mouth shut.

Think everything is rosey like some idiots can.

Listen to country music for more than 35 seconds without having a seizure.

Listen to rap music for more than 24 seconds without going comatose.

Drive 20 miles over the speed limit just because I can.

Do anything with the express purpose of impressing someone else, except for my wife.


Seven things that attract me to the opposite sex/other people.

Respect.

Common sense.

Open mindedness.

Eyes.

Appendages.

Long hair.

Laughter.

Seven reasons I spent all this time doing this list.

Because.

Boredom.

Somebody told me to jump off this cliff.

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

It made me think a thought not my own idea.

I had to do a list sooner or latter, might as well be this one.

The devil made me do it.