Saturday, September 23, 2006

Writing on Trampolines

There's something about my last post that had an effect on me. I'm sorta catching my breath right now. Sometimes the idea that becomes a post has percolated in my brain all day long and thus is a somewhat calculated muse by the time it makes itself onto this page. But truly, my best work, if you will allow me to presume such, weaves itself word by word from out of nowhere, as though each sentence is being constructed for me by some mysterious author deep inside my soul that I can't actually consciously control. I had English composition in College (yes, I had to take a few courses having nothing to do with health care during my aborted attempt to get a nursing degree, but hey, it was fun) and I can't remember creating anything nearly as good chasing that "A'" (which I got) as I do now having forgotten all the rules of writing I was taught. So, what this has told me is that something truly relevant or meaningful comes from the heart, and not the head.

OK, so I whip this thing out, and, thinking the wife, the sweet Wiccan that she is, might could appreciate it, so I print a copy and hand it to her. Next thing I know she's wiping tears off her cheeks. I honestly didn't anticipate that. I honestly thought it was just another of my run of the mill posts, albeit maybe a good one. Then, I get a few comments, not that many, of course, since my fan base numbers about a hand and a half, but those comments only reinforced the emotional state that my wife's' reaction was having on me. Well, if the post had been a book and I was hoping for good reviews.......I got good reviews. But actually, having written the thing, I wasn't even worried about the response. I was to busy trying to recover my own emotional equilibrium.

I think sometimes I am one of those people who irritate the hell out of most other people. I think to much. I worry to much. In most crowds around the water cooler, the topic of discussion is probably most often whether or not the Braves will make the playoffs again. And I would be the idiot who interjects that CNN just mentioned something about Bin Laden having died from Typhus. So, of course, everybody would stare at me blankly, politely not saying out loud that they wish I would just go away. So many people, and dear readers, please do not think I am automatically assuming you belong to this species, simply don't want to have to discuss, or even think about, the deeper subjects that I tend to pursue. I can't say that I blame them actually, for nothing sucks the joy out of life like paying attention to what's going on around you. Perhaps it's not so much the quality of my awareness of gloom and doom as it is the quantity. In this vein I think perhaps I'm sicker than Mickey (no offense, my Lord and Savior).

Well, producing the post exposed more of my despair than I was prepared to experience, and so it's taken me most of the day to climb back out of the pit I had dug for myself, and I apologize to whoever fell in after me. In order to make amends, I am hoping I fill that pit back in with some good heart-felt comedy. Well, I'll TRY, that is. I wanted to be a comedian when I grew up.......but I was afraid people would laugh at me.

There IS one saving grace available to me, however. Actually, I have quite a number of saving graces. They are the bloggers who make me laugh, cry, shout, and giggle. Thank you, guys. Thank you so very much.

And yes, Tim, that includes you, my friend.


I_Wonder said...

Michael, I feel much frustration and anger because of the condition of the world and the direction we're headed. Basically, I think it's hopeless. Last week I attended a seminar entitled "Feeling Well in and Unwell World". I sympathize with you and your feeling of despair.

anna said...

You don't need to apologize for dragging me into that pit with you. It's ok to feel anger and sadness and despair. It's wonderful just to feel. So many blogs out there don't make me feel a damn thing. I prefer a good cry to a feeling of indifference any day. Again, thank you.

darlingina said...

Not sure if You'll get this comment or not since a couple i've left in a few of Your recent posts aren't showing up. :( I hope it's just Blogger up to it's tricks again and not the content of my replies. Just know that i loved Your Gaia post. It gave me chills and left the hair on the back of my neck standing in awe. Your writing is phenomenal as always Sir and it's because You write from Your heart. Your words make me think and wonder. You have a way of sending my emotions into motion. Thank You for that. Peace & be well.

The Michael said...

Paul, I wish there were more people who could read what you did and understand what I said.

Anna, thanks, yes, it's the indifference that's killing us.

gina, thank you sweetheart, and I can assure you I am posting every reply I get, so it may be blogger if I'm missing any of yours. Keep your comments coming, dear, I need every one of them.