Mad Dogs and HTML

HTML.........it doesn't exactly roll off the tongue, does it? For some strange reason, probably having to do with geek witchcraft, this incantation can do remarkable things, but only in the virtual world, and only if you know it's mystical meanings and the proper way to cast it. One strange symbol placed out of order can spell disaster, which in this case is frustratingly nothing after a series of convoluted maneuvers that would drive a madman sane.

I have become so jealous of all these souls out here in cyberland who have been able to dress up the title of their blogs with wonderful pictures. Some I imagine have been able to do it by virtue of the blogging entity they chose to host their works of literary art on, that capability having been built into it so that anybody can do it as easy as typing in their posts. Blogger, however, curse them, has not seen fit to provide an easy way to incorporate a photo into the title field of their blog templates. I know there is some magical way to accomplish this, for I have seen it here on my own computer thanks to the able assistance of Shandi, the wonder woman of blogging. However, I have yet to fathom the typographical difference between what she managed to get into her heading and that of the html I came up with when I used the same convoluted method recommended. I may have to shave my head before I begin to rip my hair out by the roots!

Our mighty potentate, Tim, ex of Elvis, Lord of photoshop manipulation, has provided me plenty of motivation by virtue of his taunts...."The secret is revealed in the layers, Michael, the LAYERS........", he cackled, in his virtual maniacal voice. I'd bitch-slap him, the cad, but he'd cry like a girl, and then run off to attack some innocent reproduction of a dutch windmill somewhere, in a vain attempt to regain his manhood. That would simply be too terrible a sight to see, and never let it be said that THE Michael is not a kind and benevolent soul who would want to be held responsible for such a tragedy. However, I must interject here that I like and respect Tim immensely, so that he will not take what I just said seriously and get medieval on my ass. Oh hell, what if Tim didn't get this far before rushing out the door to hunt me down? Tim? TIM?

While I await my fate at the hand of virtual royalty, I must say that the challenge presented me by this new technology has probably kept my brain exercised just enough to prevent a more rapid decline into feeblemindedness. That has to be a good thing considering how many brain cells must have already met their untimely demise at the hands of intellectual sloth. I suppose something accomplished too easily is not worth what little effort was expended upon it.

Dear Shandi has been most kind to this clueless one, and is doing her best to help me with my endeavor to deliver you, my loyal fans, a richer visual experience when you hit that link and peer into the twisted mind of this man and his poor family (poor as in having had the misfortune of having me as the defender of the family honor, which may very well be auctioned off on eBay in a desperate attempt to keep us afloat). I've thrown you guys goats, septic tanks, dead cars, witchcraft, and other such wonderment, but I can hear you out there chanting "More, more, more!!!!" Ah, the pressure mounts, but hey, dammit, I can take it. Hell, I personally, singlehandedly, brought the Soviets to their knees, hiked thru the wilds of Alaska barefoot in the snow, uphill, dragging sled dogs, and survived by my wits in the midsts of an acre of sand in the backwoods of Florida, fighting off mosquitos, fire-ants, heat, humidity, palmetto bushes, redneck neighbors, and hungry goats. Anybody who can accomplish all that despite rejection letters from MENSA as well as the Charles Atlas body building and self-esteem course should have no problem accidently stumbling across the solution to this nagging problem.
Either that, or Shandi, bless her, will ultimately solve my problem for me and I will return and edit this post to eliminate any evidence that I was having any real problems to begin with, instead heralding my brilliant triumph over digital gobbledygook while giving full credit to Shandi somewhere deep in the fine print.

As for the rest of the news.......nothing happened since I last posted. Nothing at all. Well, maybe some things, but nothing you'd want to know about. Really. I'm hiding the truth for your own protection. You'll thank me one day when the unauthorized biography is written that reveals all the shocking details.

Oh, wait, there IS one minor detail to report. Another mouth to feed has been foisted upon us by the Good twin and her hot-wheels husband due to his unfortunate new allergy to cats. Cricket has been with my daughter for going on more than ten years now and now resides with us, and is settling into her new home quite nicely. She is so far spurning any advances by Shilo to get to know her, but I'm sure she'll come around in time. Shiloh is one patient and very friendly dog. Tuvac, our other inside cat, could care less and has done his usual excellent job of totally ignoring the intruder upon his domain. Which is good, because they would both look rather pathetic bitch-slapping each other with their de-clawed paws. Now, the fact does remain that Tuvac is a male, and cricket is female, so despite his arrogance, I'm sure he must be smelling things that awakens that true casanova inside, despite the fact that he is fixed. Time will tell, but all told I'm somewhat hoping that Tuvac simply turned gay after all this time in an effort to cope.

So, I have gleefully wasted another five minutes of your precious time, and hope this fresh assault upon your sensibilities has only whetted your appetite for further abuse at the hands of my next post. You see, masochism isn't such a bad thing after all, now is it? Just ask all my subby fans who keep coming back for more!

Bell well, all, and blessed be!