Self Esteem

There's a lot to be said for self esteem, and not much of it good. Self esteem is that monkey on your back that crawls on at birth and dogs you to your dying day. And what good is it? I've come to that point in my life where I have decided to dump it altogether in favor of benign self-awareness, which is much less complicated, time consuming, and damaging to one's overall psyche. Am I everything I ever wanted to be? Hell no. Am I anywhere near where I wanted to be by now? Don't make me laugh. But so what. Read the trials and tribulations of most every famous person you've heard of and they have complaints. To much sex, drugs, rock and roll, money, fame, fortune, whatever, and they discovered (gasp) it didn't accomplish much for them in the overall scheme of things. It gets to the point that sooner or later, you are either happy with life or you aren't. There will always be something you wish you had done or not done, you will always question your relevance in the grand design, and you will always come up short of rock solid answers, but once you discover the power of not really giving a shit and just accepting that living, breathing, loving..........hell, just existing in a moment when the hammer of fate isn't dealing you yet another nasty blow is a plus, so you might as well enjoy it. Watch a sunset. You might discover it's a pretty damn awesome sight if you can just allow yourself the pleasure of it. Vent your outrage against injustice or whatever in a blog. It's therapeutic, even if it has no discernible impact on the world. And just lose this whole angst thing; nobody really gives a damn. And if you happen to be lucky enough to be living in very close proximity to another human being that has decided that living with you, tolerating you, conversing with you and listening to you, and trusting you is more of a blast than a task, then consider that perhaps that's all the happiness you need, whether you believe you are worthy of it or not. So fuck you, self esteem, I'm here, at least for now, with or without you, and it's all good.