I Miss you Mom......

Michele, we will never truly get to know what kind of Mother you would have been given half the chance. My fucked up excuse for a father saw to it that you never got the chance. The only woman I remembered being my Mom didn't want the job, and she is more of a mystery to me than you ever were. You were an artist, a gypsy, a free spirit dependant upon others to keep your head above water as you struggled thru life, never quite sure who or what you were, and a terrible judge of charactor when it came to men. And such talent you had! If I had possession of half of the art you created I would be a rich man, because not only were you an incredible artist, but you now have the cache of having passed on, never attaining the fame you truly deserved while you were with us. But, I am the lucky one, for somehow, despite a screwed up family I never knew I had, I managed to finally meet you and get to know you, and yes, to love you. It seems only natural to me now that I was the one by your bedside that day you died, holding your hand as your lungs finally failed you, allowing you to go on and hopefully find a place somewhere else in the universe to laugh, sing, and paint to your heart's content. Our large, far flung family was never there for either one of us, Mom, but we are together, you and I, even to this day, for I still think of you all the time, and smile, and somehow feel you with me, deep inside, telling me that I am a good person, and that you always loved me, even when I didn't know you existed. So, today is Mother's day, and I do not celebrate it because you were my Mother, but because you were a beautifull, if irresponsible, free spirit, and not only did I love you, I really liked you. So, roll one and smoke it for both of us, you sweet crazy soul, I don't have the guts to do that any more.