Tuesday, December 06, 2005

THE LAST ANNUAL BLOGGER VERIFICATION CODE LANGUAGE AWARD


My last post was met with such acclaim and rave reviews that I have had to deal with it through the power of paranoia, i.e. that some evil organization or teenage hacker gained access to my fan base and is perpetrating some cruel hoax on me, i.e. that what I wrote in a moment of sheer emptiness morphing into literary genius lapsing into utter mediocrity was mistaken for an improvement over my otherwise questionable, albeit now legendary, ability to mimic legibility, understanding, and coherence. However, on the off-chance that these comments actually originated with those peers I know and love so well, whom I shall dub "the academy", I would like to thank my Mother, who got me off to a great start thru no fault of her own, my Dad, whose absence made all this possible, my dear Wife, who's tolerance and faux understanding has driven me to write, and my Dog, who's devotion and loyalty has perhaps contributed most to my overall self esteem and mental well being. I would also like to thank my agent, who is out there somewhere searching for great material to publish and should stumble across this by accident one day, and will charge me 10% for the privilege, my accountant, who will charge me another 15%, and the IRS, who will take the rest. And last, but certainly not least, I would like to thank my fantastic writing team, me, myself, and I, who although constantly bicker and fight for their proper share of recognition, have been instrumental in the monumental success of MM&M, due to a tragic misdiagnosis of my condition by some of this country's most renowned mental health experts.
Now that I have subjected you to the above diatribe with such glee, I hereby reward you with the results of the Contest as tabulated by Dewey, Cheatem, and Howl, INC. After much consideration, the award for the most objects placed on top of other objects goes.....no.....wait.....wrong contest......oh, here we go......the award for the most believable number of BLOGGER verification words goes to.......drumroll please.............









TIM-ELVIS!




Not only did Tim come up with more words than anyone else, as I fully expected him to, he also provided insightful and well thought out definitions, including how such words would be used in a sentence. And, as a bonus, which was totally unnecessary and actually cutting edge, he also assisted LIghts-in-the-Wake with HIS words, selflessly risking losing the contest to a pathetic pretender. Such brilliance is rare within the pages of the comments to this blog, as you all well know from having to read it. Thus, I hereby award him the prize of having our new language named in his honor. And, I hereby announce a new contest, in which you will have the opportunity to suggest how to morph Tim's name into the name of a whole new language which will rival English and Tierra-Del-Fuegan as the new international language. I would suggest something like TIMMISH, which robs all of you of a suggestion, but to bad, it's MY contest. Hell, I might even consider halting the contest right now and awarding myself the prize and get it over with.

Naw, what fun what THAT be? Anyway, I would like to thank you all for your participation. I know you have much more valuable things to do with your time, like plotting world domination, cheating on your taxes, and writing your own blogs which will see the light of a publishing day long before mine even begins to wither and mold. Ah, but I know that when you get those spots on Letterman and Leno, you'll all muse about that one blogger down there in bumfuck Florida who inspired you to become the best selling authors which you will all one day be, even that crusty old Buffalo, who shall become the Hemingway of the new century, despite his love of rum, mongrel dogs, and Hogs. Or perhaps because of it.

3 comments:

Time said...

Hot damn, tamale. In the words of Sally Fields, "You like me, you really like me." I'm calling my momma to tell them her little boy has got a whole new language named after him, "Timmish."

I want to thank the michael...a major inspiration and the inventor of this contest. And Lights, Pete, or Stephan King, whoever you are. You found the words, I just interpreted them for you, man.

Today, I am the happiest man, man, man, man....in the entire planet.

What's that...we've cut to a commercial, WTF? That's bullshit.

Where is my agent...I want to speak to my...

Alex Pendragon said...

Play FREEBIRD!

Time said...

Thanks, Cherish. And the michael, I missed the part about making a contest out of naming the new language after me (though I really like, "Timmish"). I might then suggest "Timmerish" or "Timmic." Or maybe "Timboli" or "Timalian".

Regardless, I want you to know, that despite the heady fame of winning this contest and accepting the effusive accolades being heaped on me by your readers, I will remain the humble dcpqg I have always been. And that's the gdfwl trfug.