Saturday, December 17, 2005

Trash Commentary at it's Best


Well, it's been reported that our great esteemed leader of the free world secretly ordered the NSA to eavesdrop on American citizens without bothering with a court order. It's nice to know that while we are interfering in the domestic affairs of middle eastern countries that our government is interfering in our lives with equal gusto. We might not have any idea how to handle Iraqi insurgents, but we damn well know how to handle those meddling radical librarians, quakers, and anyone else you dares say something less than flattering about our government. Since it's been decided by the Bush Administration that rule of law is merely a suggestion, perhaps he should go for the gold and suggest that presidents need not be hobbled by only two terms in office and just call off the next election. He's already proven that one needs not actually WIN an election to begin with, so simply REMAINING in office until he has turned the entire government over to Cheney and company, who can run it much more efficiently for alot more money, should not be a big problem. I mean, what would the rest of us do........complain? THAT would be un-American, now wouldn't it?

There IS good news, however. Senator McCain has managed to negotiate a bill that would make it illegal for the U.S. to torture people in order to gain valuable intelligence that might prevent another terrorist attack. This, of course, simply tells the world that we reluctantly agree that the geneva conventions and other bothersome human rights issues will be respected in the future, except in those instances when the Bush administration decides simply to secretly order the CIA, the NSA, the FBI, or Haliburton to simply go ahead and torture those bastards anyway, just don't admit to it. And since we don't, according to the esteemed Professor Rice, torture suspected terrorists in secret facilities in Eastern European countries, we'll simply have to move those operations into the back offices of the new Walmarts we are setting up in friendly third world countries. Based on Walmart's expertise in dealing with pesky unions, they should have no problems keeping such activities close to the vest. I feel so much safer already.

Brittany Spears and her husband are having problems. Not that you or I really give a shit, but it makes great filler material while I'm thinking of something actually important to write.......

The Sunni's in Iraq have suddenly decided that participating in the elections is actually a GOOD thing, so now masked gunmen that usually attack U.S. troops, collaborators, Shiites, and innocent women and children, are busy guarding polling places from themselves with the understanding that those they don't murder will vote for them. This is Middle Eastern democracy at it's best. For public relations purposes, they have changed the name of the Bathe Party to the Shower Party. With the limited number of seats they are sure to garner, they should have at least a few people sitting in Congress who can attempt to filibuster by AK-47, perhaps even re-installing Sadam Hussein before he gets hanged. As aptly demonstrated by the Bush administration, there's more than one way to become President, a lesson I'm sure the Sunni's will take to heart.

Somehow, the senate has rejected renewing the Patriot Act, at least in it's present form. This is distressing, in light of the fact that we haven't yet been able to collect enough intelligence on those pesky librarians running all those terrorist sleeper cells preparing to overthrow the dewey decimal system. But have no fear, my fellow Americans, for I have no doubt whatsoever that Carl Rove and Tim Delay are hard at work redistricting whatever area that elected those senators that opposed it. Since Delay has all that time on his hands since being indicted and can't do his majority leader thing, it's good to know he has SOMETHING to keep him busy.

Oh, and the IRS is busy revoking the tax-exempt status of any church that said anything bad about Bush or Republicans. This is a good thing, because we can't have people preaching anything but God from the pulpit without paying dearly for it. It's perfectly alright for Baptists to decorate courthouses with religious dogma, but having a preacher advocating that people THINK about social justice from within a church is really going to far. Matter of fact, I really think we need to go back and retroactively revoke the good Reverend Martin Luther King's tax exempt status for daring to lead all those civil-rights marches, and collect all those back taxes from his estate. That should have a nice chilling effect on further social consciousness shenanigans.

O.K., gang, that's todays boring rant. I'm sure you've gotten used to listening to my take on the news of the day; the usual price you pay for showing up and hoping to read something astounding. I never promised you astounding. I do promise you mediocre at best. But, admit it, where else are you going to find mediocrity of this caliber? Be nice and don't answer that...............

4 comments:

EAPrez said...

really liked your blog and will bookmark it!

morningstar said...

The Michael - ok i won't answer 'that'!!! but where else am i gonna go and read about politics and news ?? i never open a newspaper and rarely if ever turn on the news via radio or TV... unless of course i am hoping for a snow day........

i'll be back - just so i can catch up on the "news" (cheeky grin)

morningstar

Time said...

Is that really true about Brittany?
What the hell is wrong with the world. :)

Alex Pendragon said...

Thank you Liz for your kind comment. Now return me that peace sign I know you lifted off of me during that last peace march.......I miss it terribly and I can't find a replacement at Walmart.

Morningstar, shame on you! How are you going to know that we occupied your country searching for stockpiles of maple syrup if you don't listen to the news? Besides, relying on ME to tell you what's going on in the world is like believing the rapture is finally going to happen next thursday at 3:22 PM.
Wait, forget I said that........

Tim, I'm afraid so. He's going to sue her for letting him knock her up. Poor guy. I guess he wanted to have his rock starlet and eat her too.........