The Moonlight Madness, Bondage, Carpet, Compost, Solar Power, and Royalty Edition

I came across this article in the local paper, surprised as hell that a reporter, apparently having a slow day, dug this up, probably off the police blotter. Boy, it's amazing the fun stuff that goes on right under my nose.....grin. As it is here, it's hard to read, but I discovered that if you right-click on the article and open it in a seperate window, it presents large enough to read, at least in my browser. Enjoy!















It was a full moon last night, so you just KNOW where the wife and I was for most of the evening. You guessed it, out in the shade garden, conducting a full moon rite. We charged up our crystals under a bright, full moon and now we're loaded for bear! During one of our spell castings, which should have buckets of money raining down upon us fairly soon, the next door dogs decided to raise hell, attracting their owners, who I sensed where standing there watching our strange goings-on, probably wondering what sort of satanic nonsense we were up to. Sooner or later the word is going to get around our neighborhood that we're out in our backyard eating the heads off bats and sacrificing babies to the devil or something liberal like that. As long as the Sheriff's department doesn't show up wanting to search for shallow graves, I could care less what they think is going on. If someone should have the good and nosey graces to actually come up to one of us and ASK what we do, I'll reply that we are praying for all our neighbors to come to Jesus, and not realizing what I REALLY mean by that, will hopefully be satisfied. I just hope I can do it with a straight face.

I've been considering solving my septic tank problem by abandoning it altogether in favor of composting toilets. I've been studying the concepts involved and am pretty sure I can build these things myself, alot more cheaply than buying them. I am also going to divert our "grey water" towards our gardens, which will really come in handy during the summer when we tend to suffer from occasional drought conditions. At first I was thinking that all these pipes were going to be hell to access due to the insulated undercover beneath the trailer, but upon closer inspection, it appears that only the intake plumbing is above this blanket and I won't have to sweat tearing into it. The drain pipes are all easily accessible, thank Bob.

This carpet of ours is so nasty I'm sure that if I watered it, strange new mutant strains of life would grow profusely from it, and probably have us for lunch. We have decided to bite the bullet and buy a box of cheap vinyl tiles each payday till we have enough to cover the common area and rip this carpet up. The vinyl floor in our kitchen has worn beautifully, and is easy to keep clean. The carpet has not fared nearly as well, with stains, rips, things that won't vacuum up, and who knows what embedded in it that the vacuum simply won't pull out. It's probably most responsible for my wife's increasing bouts with allergies. Plus, the fact that I have vacuumed up enough dog hair to assemble a whole team of sled dogs from scratch, and you can see why I am eager to be done with it.

I wish the Federal Government was required to provide low interest loans to homeowners for the purpose of incorporating solar panels and/or solar hot water panels. Yes, I know you can get tax credits, but that only helps people who have the money to begin with. With all this sunshine we get down here, it would be nice to get off the grid entirely, and even make some cash selling electricity back to the power company. But, of course, as long as Bush and his oil company buddies control the strings, there's a snowballs chance in hell of that ever happening.

A recent report just came out that states that the earliest models of the Toyota Prius hybrid cars have already clocked over 300,000 miles on their batteries. That's pretty damn impressive if you ask me. Many people don't even get that far on an ordinary auto powered strictly by a gas engine. I wonder if those Nickel Hybrid batteries would work as well in a solar powered house? Hmmmmmm........

On the war front, Donald Duck.....I mean Rumsfield, is insisting that there is no civil war going on in Iraq. He's right, it's just the boys in the 'hood massacring each other by the scores quietly in the background rather than with full scale fire-fights in the streets. I'm sure the victims appreciate that distinction. Meanwhile, Sadam is insisting at his trial that as the President, he had every right to wipe out villages that pissed him off. He claims that the rule of law doesn't apply to him, because as president, he IS the law. Hmmmmmm.........why does that reasoning sound so familiar.......?

And now the Triple M Weather Report. If you live in the midwest, MOVE. If you live in Texas, RUN! If you live in the South East, enjoy your home while it's still standing. And remember, according to the administration, there is no such thing as global warming. This weather report was brought to you by the GOTCHABYTHEBALLS Energy Consortium, providers of obscene profits to rich investors the world over.

And now for something completely different: Seems Tim-Elvis wants to be king. Like Tom Petty once said, "It's good to be King". I wish him well in his royal quest. However, I would like to point out that if he truly wants to live an opulent lifestyle and oppress peasants, he should consider running for the Senate as a republican. Professional ass-kissers will besiege him with baskets of cash and send him on exotic all expense paid vacations to study strange new locals to export American jobs to. However, there's one major caveat; he'll have to kiss bawling babies and forego crowns, at least while on the campaign trail. And the only sword he'll encounter will be the one he'll have to fall on when he's investigated for kickbacks and campaign fraud.

Meantime, I, THE Michael, already the spiritual descendant of King Arthur, will be content to rule my tiny kingdom, until such time that all the Britons, whoever the hell THEY are, call upon me to save them from whatever it is that Britons need saving from. They did pretty well without me during the great war, so I don't expect to be bothered anytime soon.

Thus concludes another epic post from the mind of THE Michael. I hope you enjoyed this latest effort from the combined efforts of our new team, Me, Myself, and I. If you have any questions or comments, feel free to leave a message outlining in great detail just how much you enjoyed this episode so that I don't have get medieval on their asses. But, feel free to provide some mild criticisms so that I have an excuse not to give them a raise.